PSA November 24, 2009: Can and Will Are Not the Same Words.
They are not even friends.
Can Kniving is a felon. His job in life is to cheat people.
Will Ernest is a self-taught, and handsome gentleman. He works hard, earns what he rightly deserves, and spends it with his family and for the greater good of the society.
I have caught on to you people.
When you ask me whether I can do something for you, you are not asking whether I am actually capable of performing these tasks. You are asking me to do it.
So instead of asking me whether I can do it or not, just go ahead and ask me if I am willing to do it.
I’ll tell you straight away, “yes, I will do it” or “no, I will not do it.”
If you ask me I can go take the trash out, my answer will always be, “yes, I can take it out.” But I may not want to. I know you can take the trash out, so I don’t know why you are asking me about something you are wholly and completely able to take care of yourself as well.
The reason you are questioning my capability, when you actually want to know my willingness, is because you have been brainwashed into this easyspeak neuroliguistic programming (NLP) business. You use it but you don’t even know its source in black sorcery.
You see, when people answer “yes” to an easy task, you’ve essentially made it harder for people to say “no.” By admitting one’s capability, one is expected to take on the responsibility.
It’s the oldest trick in the book.
A beggar asks, “do you have any change?” (translated, this is “Can you give me some change?” because if you don’t have any change, you cannot give him any change. And people often have change.)
When we have change, we hate to answer this question honestly because, if we say we have change, then it’s harder to justify why it is that we are not willing to share our abundance.
In that framework of NLP, you are a bad person for being capable of sharing your money yet choosing not to do so. When people actually do have change, the two usual responses are either to give money or to lie and avoid culpability, “no, I don’t have change.”
In reality, there is no fault for not giving alms. Beneficence is a good thing, but failing to be good does not equate to being bad.
A person who is sure of oneself should either 1. willingly give or 2. state “yes, I do have change, but I am not willing to share that with you, today, because I need it for myself.” In that way, you dictate framework of ethics regarding who’s capable of doing what and where the responsibility lies.
I know. It’s crude. Some might think it’s mean. But being honest to yourself and to others is the path less taken. In the end, people will trust and appreciate your honesty more than your diplomacy.
Most importantly, you’ll love yourself for being sticking with the truth of yourself.
Trust me on this. I’m a doctor.
Now back to you and me, I understand if your hands are tied with other chores and you’d like for me to help out. Yes, please ask me if I am willing to take the trash out, to clean the bathroom or help out. Yes, I am completely willing to be a good friend and company. Yes, I am willing to do the things to help you.
Just don’t ask me if I can do something you know I can. Next time, I’ll answer, “yes, I can” and stare at you with a smile while not moving a finger.
Whatever it is, I won’t do it until you ask me by the right word.