Immigrant Christmas

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Yojimbo – Japanese Oddjob

Driving Back to Reno in Sno

Driving Back to Reno in Sno

Driving Back to Reno in Sno

Photo Off 2 with Joe at Looking over Tahoe

The pictures of the car don’t count.

Photo Off 2 with Joe at Looking over Tahoe

The pictures of the car don’t count.

Photo Off 2 with Joe at Looking over Tahoe

The pictures of the car don’t count.

Photo Off 2 with Joe at Looking over Tahoe

The pictures of the car don’t count.

Photo Off 2 with Joe at Looking over Tahoe

The pictures of the car don’t count.

Photo Off 2 with Joe at Looking over Tahoe

The pictures of the car don’t count.

Photo Off 2 with Joe at Looking over Tahoe

The pictures of the car don’t count.

Photo Off 2 with Joe at Looking over Tahoe

The pictures of the car don’t count.

Keystone Park Hike

This is Northwestern Reno.

Keystone Park Hike

This is Northwestern Reno.

Keystone Park Hike

This is Northwestern Reno.

Keystone Park Hike

This is Northwestern Reno.

Keystone Park Hike

This is Northwestern Reno.

Keystone Park Hike

This is Northwestern Reno.

Keystone Park Hike

This is Northwestern Reno.

Keystone Park Hike

This is Northwestern Reno.

Loving with Abandon…

is one of the most exhilarating things a boy will ever do in his life. More exhilarating that riding bicycle for the first time. It’s awesome.

Some boys will pick the right person to love endlessly. Like a perfect dance partner, she will understand his every little move. His right steps and wrong steps. They’ll fight, but it’ll be easy to apologize and forgive. Boys and girls will love, and that love will multiply.

Many unfortunate boys will pick the wrong person to give your heart. She’ll love him, but neither forever nor unconditionally. The boy will love, love, love.

Dearest Beloved, I love you like I love my eyes. I want to give you the world, but since I can’t do that I’ll give you the most important thing I can give anyone – my heart. I want you to have it. I took good care of it, and I waited all this time to find someone who is worthy. It is as innocent as hearts come.

Thank you. I love it! It’s awesome.

…

I’m going back to my ex. Oh, I broke your heart. I don’t want it anymore. LOL.

Wat.

After this, boys no longer love with abandon. They realize the world is a cruel place, and believing in dreams does not make them come true. Innocence is much over-rated. Their spirit suffer from a congestive heart failure. Winter seems so much longer.

They just want to do what it is their father asked them to do and die as lonely old men.

–

It’s true what they say.

You have to take good care of your heart.

When you do give it away, make absolutely sure it’s the right person. You can’t give it away twice.

My American Dream: 27. Closing Time

The nervousness is hard to shake off.

My hands are shaking. The needle tip shakes so much so that I find it hard to hook the skin with it.

No matter how much my mind wants to control my body, the shaking gets worse. The epinephrine drive is too strong.

I was sewing a live human body.

You see, when I realized that I am actually putting a sharp object through another human being – despite our good intentions – the stress was too much.

I just wanted to forfeit the instrument, stop and leave the OR. I did not want to be under that bright light. I did not like the fact that I was a failure. All the practice I did sawing pig feet together was useless.

But I held on.

I continued despite the fear. My hands never did stop shaking. I finished closing the skin.

My senior surgeon told me I did a good job and walked out of the room.

It was not pretty, and I was not proud of my work. My scrub was soaking with sweat under the gown.

–

The shakes, they are hard to fight. The harder I fight them, the harder they come back. The jitters, I felt from my toes to my ears.

We all experience that in life. Having something big on the line and being asked to perform at our best. Maybe a big exam. Asking for a promotion. Under the bright light. Every single intentional and unintentional movement obvious.

When the self-doubt sets in, that is the precise moment to pause instead of pushing on. Breath in. Close the eyes. Stop thinking.

When I don’t think I can do it, I stop what I’m doing. I feel my body. I no longer resist the unease and self-distrust.

Then I find my rhythm again.

Shrug my shoulders once, loosen my back muscles and my knees. Start singing a Marley in my head and start bobbing slightly.

Remember all the trials I’ve been through. Despite the challenges, I am standing here with the privilege of cutting open and closing the human body.

It was after a few months of my surgical internship, when I realized I was no longer shaking. I flourished in the challenge of becoming a good surgeon.

How do I close this incision in the cleanest manner? Is this the right amount of tension on the suture? Do I like how that skin everts? How would I minimize infection?

Can I do it faster than the next guy?

I still made mistakes. I still wasn’t happy with my closures.

But I was getting faster. My closures were getting neater, cleaner under less tension.

My hands obeyed my intentions.

–

Now, I look forward to the each opportunity to close the skin. To make a better closure in a shorter time. To meet the challenge with eagerness and prove myself one of the best hands for a time to come.

Yes, it’s mountains beyond mountains. I’m a 5 month-old surgery baby with a long way to go.

But I will tell you, I can close the skin without breaking a sweat.

Road to Pyramid Lake

Setting moon

California newt

California newt 2

California newt 3

Reno sky

Robots of Oakland

Not cheese

Lake chabot

PSA November 24, 2009: Can and Will Are Not the Same Words.

They are not even friends.

Can Kniving is a felon. His job in life is to cheat people.

Will Ernest is a self-taught, and handsome gentleman. He works hard, earns what he rightly deserves, and spends it with his family and for the greater good of the society.

——-

I have caught on to you people.

When you ask me whether I can do something for you, you are not asking whether I am actually capable of performing these tasks. You are asking me to do it.

So instead of asking me whether I can do it or not, just go ahead and ask me if I am willing to do it.

I’ll tell you straight away, “yes, I will do it” or “no, I will not do it.”

If you ask me I can go take the trash out, my answer will always be, “yes, I can take it out.” But I may not want to. I know you can take the trash out, so I don’t know why you are asking me about something you are wholly and completely able to take care of yourself as well.

The reason you are questioning my capability, when you actually want to know my willingness, is because you have been brainwashed into this easyspeak neuroliguistic programming (NLP) business. You use it but you don’t even know its source in black sorcery.

–

You see, when people answer “yes” to an easy task, you’ve essentially made it harder for people to say “no.” By admitting one’s capability, one is expected to take on the responsibility.

It’s the oldest trick in the book.

A beggar asks, “do you have any change?” (translated, this is “Can you give me some change?” because if you don’t have any change, you cannot give him any change. And people often have change.)

When we have change, we hate to answer this question honestly because, if we say we have change, then it’s harder to justify why it is that we are not willing to share our abundance.

In that framework of NLP, you are a bad person for being capable of sharing your money yet choosing not to do so. When people actually do have change, the two usual responses are either to give money or to lie and avoid culpability, “no, I don’t have change.”

In reality, there is no fault for not giving alms. Beneficence is a good thing, but failing to be good does not equate to being bad.

A person who is sure of oneself should either 1. willingly give or 2. state “yes, I do have change, but I am not willing to share that with you, today, because I need it for myself.” In that way, you dictate framework of ethics regarding who’s capable of doing what and where the responsibility lies.

I know. It’s crude. Some might think it’s mean. But being honest to yourself and to others is the path less taken. In the end, people will trust and appreciate your honesty more than your diplomacy.

Most importantly, you’ll love yourself for being sticking with the truth of yourself.

 

 

Trust me on this. I’m a doctor.

–

Now back to you and me, I understand if your hands are tied with other chores and you’d like for me to help out. Yes, please ask me if I am willing to take the trash out, to clean the bathroom or help out. Yes, I am completely willing to be a good friend and company.  Yes, I am willing to do the things to help you.

Just don’t ask me if I can do something you know I can. Next time, I’ll answer, “yes, I can” and stare at you with a smile while not moving a finger.

Whatever it is, I won’t do it until you ask me by the right word.